Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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