the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
