If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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