Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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