Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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