i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
