I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
