i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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