Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
