I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
