Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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