just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
