If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
