OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
