Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
