i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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