I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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