i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i came on her dog
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
