I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
