Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
