when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
