Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i think my cat just said my name.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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