I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My penis needs a shock collar
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
