pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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