I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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