Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
