I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
