Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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