i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were trust falling into bushes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
