So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
