wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
