His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My breasts were aching with rage.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
