I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
