i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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