I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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