So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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