You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
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he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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