if i died would you start the facebook group?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
