Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
