put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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