We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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