I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
