Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
