Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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