I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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