Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
