I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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