I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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