I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
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It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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