Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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