my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
its liver damage thursday
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
