Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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