this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
