we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
