Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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